Aaron Judge is Not From this Planet and I Can Prove It!
Let me start off by saying that I am not a Yankees fan, in fact I hate the Yankees.
Growing up my Dad had raised me to hate two things in life: Communists and the New York Yankees.
Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s get down to brass tacks. This Aaron Judge kid is UNREAL. He is 25-years-old, 6’7″ and weighs 282lbs. He is bigger than Gronk which is bananaland. This season alone he has 34 home runs (so far) and his hitting just under .300.
He almost hit a ball completely out of Safeco Field. When I saw that, my jaw literally dropped like a cartoon characters. He was the first rookie to ever win the Home Run Derby. While watching I was actually rooting for him because he was hitting moon-shots all over the place. Also, if you didn’t watch that Home Run Derby in Spanish, then you did it wrong. Those announcers were ELECTRIC!
Recently, I’ve heard rumblings that some people think he is juicing and I’m going to put those rumors to rest right now because I think it’s something else….
Aaron Judge is Blanko, the blue Monstar from Space Jam. And if you knew the Monstars actually had names then you are a better person than I am having just found out that fact today and I’m 27-years-old.
Now for the facts to back this theory up:
– Judge is one of the tallest players in the MLB right now similarly to Blanko, who was the tallest member of the Monstars.
– Both Judge and Blanko wear obnoxious numbers. Wearing 99 on a baseball field is absolutely ludicrous. Blanko wore 0 but so did all the Monstars, which was obnoxious enough.
And last but not least, for my most compelling argument….
The proof is in the picture!
If you can’t see the resemblance then call up your eye doctor, make an appointment, and then get back to me after. I’m not sure whose power Judge managed to steal, but I don’t see him giving them back anytime soon.
Now if you see Judge walking around saying things like, “Hey, little pig. Boo,” then you know why.
For the remainder of the season it’s going to be a dogfight between the Sox and Yanks. Someone get the Red Sox some of ‘Michael’s Secret Stuff’ because lord knows they need it. Just make sure none of it gets on David Price or he might melt. #SAWFT